wings of an Eagle, heart of a Phoenix

One of my favorite tumblrs of all time ceased his blogging activity last summer. Recently, I have discovered that he has also permanently deleted his blog. (Maybe he’s started a new one, but I have no way of knowing.)

In honor of his memory, I present to you one of Cameron’s old posts- one that I saved because it is quite possibly the most hilarious thing I had the pleasure of reading in the year 2011.

Please enjoy “A Literal Translation: ‘Love Game’ by Lady Gaga.”

Let’s have some fun, this beat is sick (We should enjoy ourselves, this rhythm is great!)
I wanna take a ride on your disco stick (I want to have rigorous sex with your penis.)
x2

Huh! (Questionable grunt of excitement)
Huh! (Questionable grunt of excitement)

I wanna kiss you, (I find the thoughts of our lips meeting to be pleasurable)
but if I do then I might miss you, babe (But such actions would lead to remorse and yearning, piglet)
It’s complicated and stupid (This is paradoxical and idiotic)
Got my ass squeezed by sexy Cupid (My buttocks were clenched in the hands of the love messenger)
Guess he wants to play, wants to play (I suppose he’d enjoy fun activities)
A lovegame, a lovegame (A spectacle of infatuation)

Hold me and love me (Embrace me and show affection)
Just wanna touch you for a minute (Allow my fingers to stroke your skin for 60 seconds)
Maybe three seconds is enough (I’ll settle for three moments)
For my heart to quit it (My muscle responsible for distributing blood would cease)

let’s have some fun, this beat is sick (We should enjoy ourselves, this rhythm is great!)
I wanna take a ride on your disco stick (I want to have rigorous sex with your penis.)
don’t think too much, just bust that stick (Cease thought, break your penis)
I wanna take a ride on your disco stick (I want to have rigorous sex with your [broken] penis.)

Let’s play a lovegame (Allow us to partake in a spectacle of infatuation)
Play a lovegame (Partake in a spectacle of infatuation)
Do you want love? (Would you choose emotional surrender?)
Or you want fame? (Or would you choose high status?)
Are you in the game? (Are you participating in said spectacle?)
Doin’ the lovegame (Participation in the spectacle of infatuation)
x2

Huh! (Questionable grunt of excitement)
I’m on a mission (I’m treading a pilgrimage)
and it involves some heavy touching, yeah (It encompasses moderate and pressured contact, yes)
You’ve indicated your interest (You’ve indicated your interest)
I’m educated in sex, yes (I passed middle school)
And now I want it bad, want it bad (I yearn for such desires evilly)
A lovegame, a lovegame (A spectacle of infatuation)

Hold me and love me (Embrace me and show affection)
just want touch you for a minute (Allow my fingers to stroke your skin for 60 seconds)
Maybe three seconds is enough (I’ll settle for three moments)
For my heart to quit it (My muscle responsible for distributing blood would cease)

Let’s have some fun, this beat is sick (We should enjoy ourselves, this rhythm is great!)
I wanna take a ride on your disco stick (I want to have rigorous sex with your penis.)
Don’t think too much, just bust that stick (Cease thought, break your penis)
I wanna take a ride on your disco stick (I want to have rigorous sex with your [broken] penis.)

I can see you staring there from across the block (You are visible and gazing from over the corner)
with a smile on your mouth and your hand on your huh (You have a positive expression and have your hand on your…huh)
The story of us, it always starts the same (Our tale has a repetitive beginning)
with a boy and a girl and a huh and a game (A gentlemen, lady, a “huh” and a spectacle)
And a game (huh) (A spectacle and grunt)
x2

The following is a true account of what happened in my head during August of 2011, as recorded in an old journal I’d been keeping. I felt compelled to share this experience with you, my dear Tumblr-land.

~~

I had a dream last night that my parents took me to the dentist, and they spent some time talking to the dentist in another room.

So after awhile the dentist (who in my dream took the image of [my old high school’s] old nurse…and not my actual dentist…weird) — she called me in and she was holding 

get this 

a pair of tweezers and a toothpick

and she said “now I’ve never done this before but it’s what your dad wanted”

and I’m like wat ._.

and so she starts to reach toward my face and she pries my mouth open

and I’m like wat .__.

and then I find out that she plans to

BREAK ALL OF MY TEETH

WHAT THE FRICKITY FRICKIN FRICK

because apparently my dad figured if I busted my two front teeth and got them capped (that actually did happen in real life), then I should get all my other teeth to match! How brilliant! :D

EXCEPT IT WAS TERRIFYING

AND THE DENTIST/NURSE/CRAZY LADY HAD NO IDEA WHAT SHE WAS DOING

AND SHE WASN’T PLANNING ON USING NOVOCAINE OR ANYTHING

so I somehow convinced her to stop before she messed up my teeth and I was like “TALK. TO HIM. AGAIN.”

and the instant she left, I ran away :D

~~

The End.

What do you think you’re doing, letting your guard down? Seriously? Are you really going to do this again?
No, no you’re not, because you know better.
Put your shield up. Be completely vulnerable only to the One who created you. Guard the things that are most precious and save them for the right person, not just the next one who catches some bit of your attention. 
Please, learn from the past. Don’t go dancing and skipping beats and opening up things that aren’t meant to be opened. Learn your lesson and for once, do what you’re told.