wings of an Eagle, heart of a Phoenix

• Opened up a bank account for the first time in my life.
• Cashed the five checks I had been holding onto.
• [Don’t judge me.]
• [I now have $1,000 more than I did the day before.]
• Had major self esteem-issues.
• Super special amazingly awesome best friend put together a hilarious montage set to “Sexy Back” just to cheer me up and remind me that, why yes, I AM gawgeous ;D
• Attended my brother’s gig, at which his saxophone trio performed Mozart, Lady Gaga, Bohemian Rhapsody, and much more. ‘Twas a lot of fun.
• Consumed delicious unagi-cucumber sushi rolls (unagi = eel. also synonymous with ‘scrumptious’.) and udon noodle soup.
• Became somewhat queasy and gained a slight fever later, as my stomach was unsure how to process eel and udon.
• [Thankfully it passed and I didn’t throw up or anything.]
• [And in my honest opinion, I think it was the fishcakes that did it. Those things have a texture and smell that I am rather not fond of.]
• [It was still worth it.]
• Skyped a good friend until a ridiculous hour, during which we laughed at stupid videos and I worried about my future, but also became a bit more certain about it.
• “Your dreams are far too big for you to just be sitting at home.” I would do well to remember that.
• Ukelele ukelele ukelele ukelelelelelelalalalaaa :D
• That song I posted earlier? Y’all should listen to it.
• I uh. I might be hopping on a plane in 19 days.
• We’ll see.

Everywhere I look I see people who are prettier than me

Or who my brain tells me are prettier than me

This is completely ridiculous

I HAVE A PETITE AND PRETTY FACE

I HAVE SOFT LOVELY HAIR

I HAVE LONG LUSCIOUS EYELASHES

I HAVE AMAZING LEGS

I AM GORGEOUS AND I DON’T NEED A SINGLE SOUL TO TELL ME THAT.

…

Now I just need to work on believing it.

One day at a time, I suppose.

to cry and then to laugh and then to dissolve into both laughter and tears at the same time

to not get enough of saying the words “I do, I do, I do,” they’re just so beautiful you have to keep saying it

to be so happy you’re beaming even though you’re just walking down the sidewalk and you don’t even care if people stare at you from their cars or houses and think, who’s that mental person grinning and laughing to themselves, because their judgments just don’t matter to you anymore

to smile at everyone you meet because you have this love, this joy, this thing that is inexplicable inside of you

to feel as if you’re bursting at the seams, wanting tell the whole world, wanting everyone to experience it, because how can you selfishly keep this thing to yourself

to know, without a shadow of a doubt, in full and complete confidence, that you are loved.

~

I thought I’d grasped God’s love for me. In fact, for awhile, I think I really did. But after some time, I forgot what that meant. I forgot that I am lovable. I forgot that I am wanted and valued and cherished. I forgot that I, an insignificant speck in the vastness that is space, am WANTED by the God who is even greater than that vastness.

Today, the God of the Universe proposed to me all over again.

And this time, I can’t contain it. This time, I need to tell the world.

What might that be, you ask?

Oh, y’know, only a life-size Transformer made of real auto transmission parts, that also doubles as a wine rack.

harpaea:

do you ever think about how weird reading is

our eyes are able to scan these different symbols and construct the scenarios and concepts they describe in our mind

and these concepts have the power to twist our emotions and make us cry and laugh and wow reading is weird

And I’ve spent the past 3 hours literally just thinking about how awesome He is and having my mind blown again and again.

I can’t sleep when I think about things like this.

Have I mentioned I love paradoxes?

God loves paradoxes too. He IS a paradox. I mean, hello, the Trinity?

Three persons- Father, Jesus, Holy Spirit. But God is not divided.

It’s not like the Father is 33% God, and Jesus is 33% God, and the Spirit is 33% God.

No. The Father is 100% God. Jesus is 100% God. The Spirit is 100% God.

Furthermore, they are not three distinct Beings, but One God. There are three and getting to know all three is both nifty and tricky, and some people can fall into a habit of knowing one more than another- but at the same time, you can’t separate the three because there aren’t three, there is ONE.

And it’s not like God has some split personality, either, so you can’t explain it like that.

And that’s exactly it. YOU CAN’T EXPLAIN IT.

Why would anyone want to worship a God they can explain? If God was a formula that made perfect sense, then we’d get bored and move on.

Yet God is the only thing that makes perfect sense, for without Him, my life is senseless.

Another paradox.

This has been a rambling mess. I am not in the least bit tired. I am not heading to bed.

God is a God of order.

He is also a God of paradox.

He’s the God of things that line up and make perfect sense,

And at the same time, things that baffle and confound.

He’s the God of structure, balance, precision, systems,

And at the same time, infinitum, limitlessness, fantastic chaos and impossibility.

~

This is just one reason why I love God: He is a complete and wonderful mystery.

This is ridiculous.

• hilarious Skype conversations that involved literal rofl-ing.
• “EHRMAGEHRD, FERNCER FERST”
• seeing lovely people I haven’t seen in quite a long time
• reading more often and learning from the things I read
• hearing the cicadas
• obtaining a New Living Translation version of the Bible- a nice, leather-bound version, no less- for free
• (I’ve read New King James my whole life and that’s the translation of my current Bible, so it’ll be interesting to compare.)
• getting a new flavor at our ice cream shop: Royal Red Velvet Cake~
• laughing like a maniac
• inventing Pokemon (see this post)
• discovering that the plum tree in our yard actually produces plums- tiny, adorable plums :3
• COFFEEEE :D
• knowing that even when I mess up, even when I don’t deserve it at all, the God of the Universe still loves me unconditionally and unabashedly.

Conclusion: I am extremely blessed.

And I am extremely humbled.

I have so much to be thankful for.

Thank You, Jesus. <3

I most certainly can NOT take your shift on Friday, the one day I have marked off this week with a big X, thus giving up my family commitment and allowing you to go party.

Honestly, people. I’m normally fine with swapping days, especially if someone has the flu and I have nothing going on. But I’m not a doormat… :/

My King is amazing, and He cares about even me.

Thank you, Jesus. You mean the world to me, and so much more.

<3

Being a pastor’s kid means

arriving at a funeral hours before it starts,

and being unable to go home for hours afterward. 

He was a very good man and I just want to pay my respects.

Why drag it out and make it heavier?

Today will be a long day indeed.